Name the Fight: From Conflict to Connection

Ever found yourself arguing over the dishes when the real issue was feeling unsupported? Welcome to the surface fight. The real magic happens when you name the fight underneath the fight.

Why Naming Helps When we’re stuck in repetitive conflict, it’s often because the deeper need isn’t being named. Naming brings clarity—and compassion. It shifts the conversation from "You did this" to "Here’s what I’m really longing for."

Common Underneath Fights

• Feeling unseen

• Needing more autonomy

• Yearning for more closeness

• Feeling overwhelmed and needing support

How to Practice

• Pause the argument and ask, “What is this really about for me?”

• Share the deeper layer: “This isn’t about the dishes—it’s about feeling like I carry everything alone.”

• Invite collaboration: “Can we work on this together?”

Conflict isn’t failure. It’s an invitation. When you name the real fight, you open the door to real connection.