2 Magic Words to Stop Fighting and Start Being Heard

Ready to stop spiraling in arguments and start feeling seen? Two magic words can transform conflict: "I feel."

Why “I Feel” Works When you say, “You never listen to me,” your partner hears blame. But “I feel unheard when I’m interrupted” shifts the energy. You’re sharing your inner world, not accusing. That’s the difference between defensiveness and curiosity.

The Science of Emotional Honesty Using emotional language engages your brain’s social engagement system, inviting your partner’s empathy instead of their defensiveness. It’s not manipulation—it’s modeling emotional responsibility.

How to Practice

• Start sentences with “I feel…” followed by an emotion, not a thought (“I feel ignored” not “I feel like you don’t care.”)

• Add context: “I feel overwhelmed when plans change suddenly.”

• End with a gentle request: “Can we check in before changing plans?”

You don’t need to win the fight. You need to be felt. "I feel" gets you there.